A dynamic document about me as a person and Top/ dominant
General Information
- The boring and the mundane drain my life force (my biggest issue). Tasks that fall under this category need to be outsourced, automated or minimised as far as possible so I can direct my energy to more interesting and enjoyable pursuits. Things that drain my energy include:
- Housework
- My current day job
- Packing and unpacking
- Editing, captioning and uploading content
- Managing persistent incompetence
- Parenting
- I often suffer from a contradictory nature, eg:
- I require and want routine, but also at times want or crave unpredictability and chaos.
- I require time alone, I don’t like people, but I also want company and/or connection.
- One minute I can fall into a state of obsession or limerence in relation to someone, then one day just get bored of them for no reason.
- Desires control of self, but wants to lose control at times as an expression of unfettered freedom
- I don’t really know what my actual limits are when it comes to doing things to other people. I have perceived limits partly based on internal rules and societal rules so I don’t act in a completely unhinged way. For me to bypass my own rules I need to be reassured that the person on the other end is willing to accept the consequences and be clear what their limits are (if they know). I need my own form of rules and structure to operate in (even if the rule is that there are no rules – although I would need to discuss this to ensure that is really the truth).
- At times I may appear hesitant, uninterested/ not keen on some suggestions or particular lines of discussion. Unless I explicitly voice that I feel this way about something then I am processing or thinking about it and will revisit it later at some point.
- Most of the time I prefer forms of domination and control that are low effort for me.
- I do not like to feel uncertain or not in control. This can relate to:
- Specific situations
- People
- I do not trust most people even if I don’t behave in a manner that makes this very obvious. I generally give people the benefit of the doubt to prove themselves either way over time. I particularly don’t trust people if they give me reason to doubt them (people that are vague, flakey, tell contradictory stories).
- I prefer proof / evidence over words and trust.
- I do not respect most people even if this is not outwardly shown.
- Likely perimenopausal / menopausal since hysterectomy.
- Likely AuDHD.
- I am forgetful of many things, particularly if I do not perceive them to be a priority at the time.
- Statistically I sleep well, but I do not feel rested/ revitalised.
- Preference for important decisions / discussions to be recorded in writing to refer back to.
Things I like and enjoy
- Being served in ways that make my life easier. Mostly outsourcing of the boring and mundane shit that drains my energy.
- Nonreciprocol service of any kind. I don’t want to have to care about other people’s feelings.
- Sadism, both physical and emotional.
- Sex that incorporates elements of the above. I have little to no interest in just regular 1-2-1 “vanilla” sex. There needs to be some sort of twist in it that arouses me mentally.
- Sex with multiple men at the same time.
- Thick cocks. Can be “dicknatised” by very good dick.
- Bondage.
- Forced / coerced / encouraged / mandated gay/bisexual sex where the one being forced, deep down is less than enthusiastic about the encounter (even if told to act with enthusiasm). I’m not anywhere as interested in if someone really wants to do it. I want them to feel used and disgusted with themselves after.
- Gifts and money given freely with no expectations (nonreciprocol).
- Being someone’s priority in thoughts and action. Having them obsessed with me in an unhealthy but good (for me) way.
- Wearing boots (all kinds).
- Good food.
- Good conversations.
- Reading.
- Alone / down time.
- Massages.
- Learning useful new skills.
- Spas.
- Stationery.
- Escaping the boring and mundane